Detoxify Your Life!!! (A Dr. Bronner Style Rant)

Do you drag yourself to a job that you hate every day so that you can make money to buy a bunch of crap that you don't really need, or even really want? Do you get a paycheck every week just to turn around and pay bills that do nothing more than keep you tied to a failing debt-based financial system? Do you keep "friends" that you don't really care for, enjoy, or have anything in common with, just because you are "supposed to"? Do you reseed your lawn every summer just so you can waste precious time watering and mowing it? Do you wear heels to feel taller, make-up to look prettier? Do you shave? Or do you conform to the non-conformists? Are you anti-fracking? Anti-GMO? Pro-organic? Vegetarian? Vegan? Do you sew your own clothes and run five miles every day? Do you have your nose pierced? Are you LGBT friendly? Do you wear the right stuff, read the right stuff, eat the right stuff, hang with the right crowd? STOP THE MADNESS! Start making decisions that are right for you, and stop trying to fit in to some mold created by industry, social media, or...god forbid, (gasp, gasp, choke...) even your closest peers. Who says you can't eat Pringles and wear homemade deodorant? Who says you can't consider good sex exercise? Who says you have to work 60 hours a week doing something you hate, just so you have the money to de-stress on your days off? Who the fuck makes these rules? John Milton (very, very famous writer for those of you that don't know) once said: "EVERYTHING IN MODERATION. INCLUDING MODERATION." Stop. Breath. Examine what you are doing and put some thought into it. But for the love of all that is good on this earth, do NOT stress about it!! I'm not saying that we should all walk away from responsibility, that we should all just do whatever we want with no thought to others, that we should become thoughtless. On the contrary, I'm saying we need to raise our consciousness, raise our awareness, raise our SELF-awareness, rely on our instincts a little more, and break away from this herd mentality that society drives into us! Realize that being self-aware is NOT the same as being self-centered! De-stressing, detoxifying your life, means admitting to yourself that YOU are not the CENTER of your own life...your work will go on even if you skip a day or two, your bills can wait, you can say NO to going to dinner with people you don't like, you can miss a game, skip a run, refuse to shampoo you hair, eat nothing but corn chips for an entire day, carry a rabbit around, say no to brussel sprouts, turn off your phone...and you know what?!? The world WILL NOT come to a screeching halt. Really, it won't. Not in any way, shape, or form.
I've been thinking about this idea of detoxifying your life one step at a time lately. By detoxifying, I don't mean drinking green smoothies and refusing red meat; I don't mean curtailing the occasional cigar; I don't mean signing up for a colon cleanse. I mean getting rid of the things in your life that make you feel crappy, both physically and mentally. Milton really knew what he was talking about with the moderation thing. I think that mentally we need to binge once in a while...go wild, have a melt-down, watch Netflix all day, drink a bottle of wine, eat the ENTIRE slice of cake! Go ahead!! Denying yourself just adds more stress to your life. Stress is the WORST thing for your health, so don't try to detox physically in a way that is going to make you mentally toxic (everyone knows how grumpy diets can make us...). I saw on a FB post years ago this quote: "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels." Bullshit. I can think of a thousand things that taste better than thin feels. Which is why we are not all skinny-minnies. So let's think about how we can detox physically without a crazy fad diet! The best physical detox you can do starts with the largest organ that belongs to the human body. We all know what that is, right? Yes! Yes, we do: "...it rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again..." Our skin! Ever wonder what was IN that lotion? I bet some good old-fashioned olive oil would have worked better (#thingsserialkillersdon'tconsider). Skin. You are in it for all the years of your life. It takes a beating. It filters out a lot of crap that your body doesn't need or want. It keeps all your other organs where they belong. And don't forget, skin covers your ENTIRE body, inside your ears, your mouth, those unmentionable bits....and everything we put on every bit of skin has a potential influence on our WHOLE well-being. My tipping point was looking at my tube of face scrub the other day, the same stuff I've used for the past 18 years, and realizing that it actually says: "Like an instant detox for your face..." Followed by a list of ingredients that I cannot pronounce and don't really know what any of them are. But...I bought into it! I've used it forever! To the point where I was worried that if I STOPPED using it, something bad would happen. Well, that's just dumb, that right there is herd mentality, and that day I decided I was all done with that. You know what works great for washing your face? WATER. Water is actually pretty awesome for lots of stuff. Like drinking. Want a calorie free beverage at a low cost?!? Turn your tap on. Imagine that. Free drinks, right there in your own kitchen. Now...another thing I want to mention is toothpaste. Because there's a lot of skin in your mouth. Did you know that soap, toothpaste, shampoo, etc, etc, companies aren't required to list ALL of the ingredients in a product? Nope, just the ones that they deem important. Oh, and the FDA has a say in it too. Because THEY have no vested interest in keeping people unhealthy, do they? (please use your own sarcastic voice there). So, I made some toothpaste, and it works better than any I've ever bought. My teeth are shinier, and I don't wake up feeling like a little green man shit in my mouth over-night. Soap? Yep, made that too....a few different kinds, all filled with ingredients that I can pronounce. Shampoo? Just use the soap! Rub in a little oil (olive or whatever) as a leave-in conditioner. Deodorant? (Yes, that's an important one)...made that too! No aluminum means less risk of cancer! Yes...let's put a carcinogen right over some major glands every day, at least once a day...because that seems smart. You know what? Homemade deodorant has like four ingredients, and it works. STOP LOADING YOUR SKIN WITH CHEMICALS! Eat in moderation, run in moderation, take the dog for a walk, smoke a joint, have a laugh...it's all about starting the detoxification process somewhere, with at least one small step. I know I already feel better. By the way...there are about a million blogs with recipes for all this homemade stuff, so I won't be redundant and post any of them here. And if you don't want to be bothered making your own...pay me! Have a wonderful day, and good luck with the detox. And remember to always carry a small bottle of pure oil just in case you get nabbed by a cannibalistic serial killer. Because really, anything can happen.

A Little Extra Milk

March is rapidly escaping the cold clutch of winter; the iced over blue skies are giving way to the dull grey that marks April in Upstate New York, where cold rain, and mud puddles glazed with a thin skim of ice, herald in the few brave flowers of May. The baby goats are growing rapidly, and as they grow their appetites begin to look for more than just their mama's milk. They are munching on hay and grain with much zest these day, leaving us with extra milk from the does. What to do with all that extra milk? Well, we do have a rather large spotted pig named Biscuit who currently lives on Haney Hill Farm with our friend Steve, so some extra milk goes there for Biscuit and her friends. We are still left with more than we can use for cereal, cooking, and our one bottle baby: what better time than this to start making cheese? Since we live in the middle of nowhere (and even if we didn't, most stores don't carry cheese making supplies) it's great to have access to Amazon! I ordered up some rennet, cheese cloth, and after a bit of research, a thermophilic culture, C101, which seems to be a good all-purpose culture for goats' milk cheeses. The plan was to make a raw milk Chevre, the traditional soft goats' milk cheese that we produced in quantity on the larger farm. Although I was definitely not the regular cheesemaker there, I had made the Chevre on a fill-in basis on different occasions; however, scaling things down, and working with raw milk, puts a bit of a spin on things.

The first step to great cheese is great milk, and great milk comes from well fed goats, and from clean handling. I chill all of our milk immediately, straining it into glass jars. Instead of spending money on throw-away filters, I strain my through a reusable screen coffee filter. It works great and saves money! The next step is gathering up everything you need, so that you aren't scrambling half-way through the process: to start off you will need a stainless steel pot, preferably around 3 gallons, a candy thermometer, a hot water bath, (the kitchen sink works great) a measuring cup, and a 1/2 tsp measuring spoon.

Once your milk (in the pot...in the hot water...in the sink) reaches 88 degrees Fahrenheit, it's time to add one packet of culture for 2-4 gallons of raw milk. Stir the culture into the milk using fourteen strokes, being sure to stir in different directions. Maintaining the temperature of the milk, mix 1/2 tsp rennet with 1/4 distilled water, (I used tap water and it seemed fine) and stir for approximately two minutes. And...you are pretty much done until tomorrow! I put a cover on my pot and left it on the counter. Don't place the pot anywhere too hot or too cold...it needs normal room temperature to work properly (so, around 55 degrees F to 78 degrees F).

The next morning it's time to dip the curd (the chunky part) out of the whey (the liquid). For this you will want a fairly large slotted spoon, a colander, cheesecloth, and a pot to collect the whey (don't put the whey down the sink. 1) It's useful, and 2) It could mess up the plumbing).

Once the curd is in the cheese cloth, tie it up in a nice little bundle, either using string or a rubber band, or simply tie the ends of the cloth together. Find a good place to hang it for anywhere from 12 to 24 hours, depending on how dry your curd is, and you are ready to walk away again. I hung mine on the clothesline in the basement. Again, it needs to be somewhere with a nice even room temperature. When it looks ready, untie the bags, put the cheese in a bowl, and add any kind of non-iodized salt to taste! Your Chevre is ready to eat! I made a little patty with some and covered it with Italian seasoning, garlic powder, and olive oil. A delicious and nutritious snack.

The leftover whey can be used in place of either water or milk in bread recipes; it can also be fed to piggies, chickens, or fed back to the does (mine go nuts for it).

Last-minute-itis...and pumpkin squares

This post is dedicated to anyone with a child that waits until the very last possible hour to decide what he or she would like to take for school snack. Having hemmed and hawed for much longer than necessary on Friday, Saturday, and most of Sunday, Hailey (with much prompting) finally announced that she would have pumpkin squares or nothing! Now, I'll be honest, as much as I love baking, I do sometimes resort to box mixes, especially when I know that I will be doing the baking at 9:00 PM, after everything else is finished for the day and the munchkin has been put to bed. Alas, I was saddened to discover that there is no such thing as a mix for anything even resembling pumpkin squares. To add to my misery, although it is a supreme compliment from my fussy eight-year-old, Hailey was insistent that I make the squares from scratch because "they would be SO much better." So, Sunday evening found me searching the web for a recipe, no small task given that Hailey will not eat pumpkin pie, nor will she eat cheesecake, and it seemed that nearly every recipe I opened was for either a pie bar, or a cheesecake bar. I finally stumbled on one that sounded reasonable, and after a few tweaks the pans were in the oven baking away! The first thing Hailey said to me when I walked in the door from work yesterday was "the pumpkin bars were AMAZING!" SUCCESS!! Hopefully you will enjoy this recipe as much as we did...there were even some squares left over for this morning's breakfast. I think the recipe could even be used as a quick bread because it came out "cakey" rather than "cookie-ish." Also...I highly recommend either whipped topping or cream cheese frosting as a topper.

Pumpkin Squares!

4 large eggs, preferably farm-fresh
1 2/3 brown sugar
1 cup olive oil
2 cups mashed pumpkin
1 tsp vanilla

2 cups flour
2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp ginger
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt

Preheat oven to 350 degrees and grease two 8"x 8" pans.

Combine all of the wet ingredients and beat until they are well mixed. In a separate bowl, combine all dry ingredients and mix well. Slowly add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients and blend. Do not over mix...there may be a few lumps but that is fine. Divide the batter between the two pans and bake for 35 minutes or until a tester comes out clean. Cool and enjoy!!

The Cold Blue Skies of March

March on the farm has always been one of my least favorite times of the year. Sure, there's baby goats to play with, but now they are half-grown out of their cute baby stage. And to be honest, the novelty of feeding the bottle babies while my bare fingers stick to the glass bottles has entirely worn off. The cold weather of March has none of the glory that January and February's negative temperatures and screaming winds have; rather it is just dull and aching, hovering on the edge between snow and a cold drifting rain. Even the March sun is misleading, the clear skies tell a lie about Spring being just around the corner, and at this point I am actually tired of complaining about the weather. It is this time of year that always leads me to begin creating projects and planning business ventures, mainly in an effort to push myself through until the ground finally thaws enough to start thinking about cleaning up the dog poop that decorates the yard, and turning over the muddy ground in hopes of planting the garden sometime before July. Recently I've ventured into making goats' milk bar soap, which was very successful, and will lend itself to a post when we (a very vague and collective "we," depending on who stops by to help out) decide to make another batch. This batch smells of toasted honey and warm oats...hopefully it will lather and wash as well as it smells. I've also managed to create, with the help of my amazing daughter, Hailey, a very nice batch of powdered laundry soap, which works wonderfully in our vintage (yes, it is actually belt driven) washing machine, leaving our barn clothes smelling lovely and feeling soft. I am planning to make another batch using essential oils, so stay tuned for that post. The most immediate plan is to make and photo-document a batch of cheese (coming soon to a theater near you...). For those of you that don't follow my (insert the adjective of your choice) life on Facebook, I spent many years working with our family farm and cheese production operation, but we (the big farm and I) recently parted ways, and now I am returning to the land with the full intent of keeping things small and personal. Is there a suggestion box on this thing??!!? If you can find one, feel free to comment, contact me, ask questions, and make suggestions. In the meantime, stay warm, stay safe, drink your wine, and stop complaining about the damn weather!! You all know we are never going to leave New York, no matter how miserable we claim to be.